I’ve been diving deep into Anthony de Mello’s Awareness lately, and something clicked that I had to share with you.
You Are Not Your Emotions
You know how I’ve written extensively about the liberating truth that you are not your thoughts? Well, de Mello takes this same wisdom and applies it to emotions. His insight is equally powerful: you are not your emotions either.
Just as thoughts arise and pass through your awareness like clouds across the sky, emotions do the same thing. That surge of anger when someone cuts you off in traffic? That’s not you. The anxiety before a big presentation? Also not you. The elation when you get good news? Still not you.
You are the awareness that experiences these emotions, but you ARE not the emotions themselves.
The Liberation in This Perspective
When you truly grasp this, everything changes. Instead of being hijacked by every emotional wave that crashes over you, you become the observer. You’re no longer drowning in the storm. You are watching it from a place of stability.
This connects perfectly with what I’ve shared about thoughts. Here’s how they work together:
- Thoughts plant the cognitive seed (“This is unfair”)
- Emotions supply the energetic charge (anger, frustration)
When you can see both as temporary events happening within your awareness rather than definitions of who you are, the whole reactivity cycle loses its grip on you.
A Simple Process to De-Identify from Emotions
Here’s a practical way to start observing your emotions rather than being consumed by them:
- Step 1: Notice and Name — When you feel an emotion arising, pause and label it specifically. Not just “I’m upset” but “I’m noticing anger” or “anxiety is present right now.”
- Step 2: Locate It — Where do you feel this emotion in your body? Tight chest? Clenched jaw? Churning stomach? Get curious about its physical signature.
- Step 3: Create Space — Remind yourself: “I am experiencing anger, but I am not anger itself.” You’re the spacious awareness in which this feeling is occurring. See that you cannot be the observed (anger) and the observer (I) both.
- Step 4: Breathe and Observe — Take three conscious breaths while maintaining this observer stance. Watch how the emotion shifts, intensifies, or begins to dissolve—just like clouds moving across the sky. Much like with thoughts, practice curious observation with emotions. If you engage with them, resist, or try to remove them, you will only strengthen them.
- Step 5: Choose Your Response — From this place of awareness, you can choose how to respond rather than react automatically. The emotion may still be present, but it no longer owns you. You do not have to get rid of the emotion to not be controlled by it. Ask yourself what you would do if you were not having the emotion and pay close attention to the advice that shows up.
The Neuroscience Behind This
Your brain’s limbic system generates emotional surges that get tagged by structures like the amygdala and insula. But your frontal-parietal “observer” circuits can step back and notice these surges happening. This creates what Viktor Frankl called the space between stimulus and response—the space where your freedom lives.
A Micro-Experiment for Today
Here’s something you can try right now: For the next meeting or challenging conversation you have, treat any frustration or anxiety as background weather. Notice it, name it, but don’t become it. You’re the sky, not the storm.
What decisions might change if you operated from this place of awareness rather than being tossed around by every emotional wind?
What’s your experience with observing emotions versus being consumed by them? Share your thoughts in the comments — I’d love to hear what you discover when you try this approach.
